The Call of the Wild
by Disillusioned Dreamer
Summary: The detectives at SVU are dropping like flies as their true, unfathomable vocations come calling. Why are these dedicated detectives leaving their job? Is it because Cragen needs a new aftershave? Or is it because the Starbucks across the road closed?


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except for the chicken pox that are currently COVERING MY BODY!!!!!!! (Mutters about how much she hates the chicken pox.)**

**In case you didn't pick up on it just then; I have the chicken pox. Therefore, I will not be held responsible for anything I do in my feverish state. This story included. It came to me as a random idea-having all of the detectives drop off one by one, like flies, for reasons no one can fathom-and then tonight, wisely or not, I decided to write down the first chapter. If you hate it...well, please don't review. If you like it: REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I need to know if I should continue. The reviews would also make me feel a lot better in this poxy state. -bats eyes charmingly- (Is that even a word??)**

The premises was silent. The hallway was long, narrow; endless. Elliot and Olivia stole a glance at each other, and Olivia could just make out Elliot's imperceptible nod-the go ahead signal. Stealthily, they crept their way further along the wall, stopping when they came to an open door. Olivia's breath caught in her throat as she peered into the room adjacent to the door. She was used to being in danger-it was a part of her job-but there were always times when nothing could quell her nerves. Like right now. Olivia released her breath steadily as the people in the room, working hard and quietly, did not spot her, and now it was her turn to give Elliot the nod.

Elliot and Olivia continued to slowly, painstakingly slip their way along the hallway, holding out for the door at the end-their final destination. They held their breath on every footstep that echoed, they tried to disappear every time they heard the low murmur of a voice close by, and it was in those moments that Elliot realised that success; reaching their goal seemed almost impossible in this case.

But Elliot and Olivia were the masters of making the impossible possible. Like all of those times they had solved a case and found a perp when it seemed there were no evident leads. Or when Munch tried to tell Elliot that no one could make a paper plane that flew further than his and Elliot made one that seemed to fly to the moon. Or when everyone was convinced that Olivia would never be able to bribe that Krispy Kreme lady into giving her a free donut-and she got two. Elliot and Olivia always beat the odds. Which was why it was more of a relief and less of a surprise when they broke through the door they'd been inching towards for the past half hour.

As sunlight attacked Elliot and Olivia, momentarily blinding them, they struggled to run away from the building and into the safe haven of a crowd they could blend into.

"Now all we have to do is get back safely and unnoticed," Elliot muttered, as they quickly turned the corner and walked away from their building.

"Hey-it was your idea, not mine," Olivia reminded him, her eyes having difficulties adjusting to the sunlight. She swore their office was a place for vampires: most vibrant at night and little natural light allowed inside during the day.

"You went along with it," Elliot replied. "Don't try telling me you don't want this as much as I do."

Olivia blushed, ashamed to admit the truth in what Elliot had just said. She could never tell him that she'd been wanting this since she first laid eyes on Elliot this morning. Elliot would die if he knew that was the first thing she thought of when she saw him!

"The important thing is that Cragen never finds out," Olivia said, changing the subject.

Elliot's face suddenly turned dead serious at the thought of what Cragen would do if he found out two of his detectives had sneaked out in the middle of the day to do..._this_. It was so...unprofessional. So out of line. So shameful. Two detectives escaping from work in the middle of the day to satisfy their intense cravings. Cragen would look on them with disgust and disbelief if he ever found out.

"Definitely," Elliot said in a low, concerned voice. "This part of our lives we keep just to ourselves. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Olivia said.

They walked on in silence for several moments, each highly anticipating what was about to come next. It would be the high point of both their days for certain. It would give them fuel to live off for the rest of the working day. They could not help this need-it was completely intrinsic and mutual. And just as certain as the rising of the sun, they both knew that this craving was going to resurface come tomorrow.

Then, as they turned another corner, they found _it_. It shone brightly as though heavenly beams had chosen it to be a model of perfection, for all to see. And the _smell_ coming from it! The smell was enough to make them go insane! This-_this_-was what they had needed all day. This was the place-the _only_ place-where these intense cravings could be satisfied.

Olivia lost all sense of control and ran towards it, yelling out at the top of her lungs: "Mustard! I want mustard!"

Elliot's control broke a second after Olivia's, and it wasn't long before he was sprinting after her calling out: "Two-make that two!"

When Olivia reached the hot dog stand she stopped short-something was not right. Elliot didn't see Olivia stop in time and collided with her. The next thing he knew he was lying on top of Olivia and she was struggling to get off.

"Elliot," she panted, "while I would normally enjoy this situation, today's different. _I want my hot dog now! _Get off!"

Elliot clumsily got to his feet, pulling Olivia up after him and discarding what she had just said when something came to his attention.

"Liv-look," Elliot said, gesturing towards the stand. "Something is not right."

"I know, I noticed that as soon as we got here," Olivia said, nodding her head wisely. "_They have no mustard._"

Elliot's eyes widened in surprise at Olivia's observation, and he quickly scoured the stand in an attempt to find some mustard.

"Oh my God, you're right," Elliot said in shock. "But what I meant was that there's no one here to serve us."

It was Olivia's turn to open her eyes in shock as she realised that Elliot was correct. How was she going to get her hot dog now?

"Maybe they're still around," Olivia suggested hopefully, trying to ignore the desperate rumbling of her stomach.

"You stay here in case they come back," Elliot told her. "I'm going to check that tree across the road."

Elliot raced across the road while Olivia stared sadly at the stall, thinking of the hot dogs that could have been. Wondering if she'd be able to make one herself, Olivia walked around the stand to look at the opposite side and almost fell over in shock at what she found.

"Elliot!" Olivia called in a shaky voice. "Quick!"

"There was no one in the tree," Elliot told her, slightly out of breath as he ran back across the road. He stared at Olivia's ashen face, not having heard her call a second ago. "What?"

Olivia pointed to something where she was standing, blocked from Elliot's view by the hot dog stand. He walked over to where Olivia was pointing, his own face turning ashen at the sight before him.

"Oh my God..." Elliot chocked out.

"I can't believe someone would do this," Olivia said, shaking her head sorrowfully. "Who would cover a dead man in mustard?"

Elliot looked at his partner with a raised eyebrow. His concern lay not so much in the fact that the dead vendor was covered in the missing mustard, but more so in the fact that the man was dead and had left no one to tend his stand. _Who would carry on his legacy of selling hot dogs to the hungry?_

As if it were a sign from God, Elliot suddenly realised his true calling in life. It wasn't to catch perps and make sure they never committed a crime again. Oh no. It was to stand behind a hot dog stall, day in, day out, and satisfy the intense cravings of many.

"Liv, can you help me pick this guy up?" Elliot asked, grabbing the vendor under his arms.

Olivia picked up his legs and did as Elliot asked.

"Where are we taking him?" Olivia questioned.

"I thought we'd put him on the side somewhere," Elliot said. "Someone will find him there and it would be too bad for business having a dead corpse right next to the stall."

Olivia's face filled with confusion as the body was set down and they walked back to the stand. "Bad for whose business, Elliot? The guy's dead! Don't you think we should call someone about the dead body we just found?"

"Bad for my business," Elliot said, standing proudly at the stall. "I suppose maybe you should tell the people at work about the vendor when you get back."

"Woah, Elliot-wait a minute," Olivia said, her mind trying to make sense of what she'd just been told. "You want to take care of this hot dog stand until... Until when? Until some family member of his claims it?"

"Liv," Elliot said patiently, "I don't want to just take care of this hot dog stand. I want to _work_ here! I want to see streams of people rush by every day, I want to smell the heavenly smell of hot dogs all day, I want to satisfy peoples' _intense cravings_!"

"But Elliot-you can't just leave SVU!" Olivia exclaimed.

"Why not?" Elliot asked simply.

"Because...because..." Olivia spluttered but words failed her. She could not believe that after all these years, her partner was leaving her for a _hot dog stand_. She could not believe that he was leaving her before they could satisfy everyone's longing for Elliot and Olivia to get together. What would happen to their tension?

"Don't worry about the tension," Elliot assured her, as though reading her mind. "You can just move into my place. We'll pretend to be just friends and then wake up at least one morning per week in the same bed, naked. See? All sorted."

Olivia nodded happily. As long as there was still tension for the viewers, that was okay.

"So you wanted a hot dog with mustard, right?" Elliot asked, magically pulling a bottle of mustard from nowhere.

"Right," Olivia said, watching as Elliot conjured up the hot dog of her dreams in next to no time.

"It's on the house," Elliot told her with a smile and wink as he handed the hot dog to her.

"Thanks," Olivia said gratefully, flashing him a huge smile.

"Would you mind doing me a favour, Liv?" Elliot asked. "When you go back and tell everyone about the dead vendor, could you also tell them that I've quit and am working here now?"

"Sure," Olivia said seriously. "I'll miss you, Stabler."

"I know, me too," Elliot said, reaching for Olivia's hand. "But the world needs Elliot Stabler-the hot dog vendor, now."

**Writing this made me incredibly hungry for a hot dog...I'm sorry if reading it has the same effect on anyone else.**


End file.
